date: Sunday, April 10, 2005 @ 12:26 am
title: Slumber..
14:26:98
Not my BMI. Not my height. Absolutely not my weight.
It's the timing for my evening 3.2 km run.
Conclusion: I'm gaining weight. Haxi..
Dead tired is what I'm feeling everyday. Should I feel that way or am I starting to feel the stretch of JC life? Dunno lei... It's been extremely tiring for me since I started school. Slot is getting into my nerves. I want to be geared up and flee. By the way, I still got one more month to decide which Poly to transfer to, if things are not improving. Whatever... things ain't improve either. Now. Life isn't lousy but very pushy.
God. Studies. Church. Parents. Friends. Myself.
Thinking about what happened last night as I boarded bus 65 home. I feel a tingling sense of embarrassment. I slept on ZiYi's shoulder. Left shoulder to be exact. But her shoulder not bad to lean ma.. can't blame me. Dead as usual, but I was on the process of dying dead. I slept late the night before and chilled with my SR dudes @ Jack's Place. I got another belated Bday present. A combined present. Colour's loud and hip. Navy blue sia...
Nostalgic is what I felt terribly. Floodgates of greeting exchanged as I sat down. Everyone has changed, including myself. From tip to toe. I was completely different, so were the rest. Feeling changed. Eye contacts changed. A sense of 'miss you' was floating in the atmopshere. Even a romantic-barren dude like me could feel that, why not as a group. The expected people attended with the tired smile across each other facial.
Restless.
I sat with ZiYi. I was in a state of drowning. My head was leaning progressly to my right.
Accustomed to the bleaky window and the fear of falling from my sit, into the stepways as we were situtated not far from the exit. Thoughts were running thru my mind as I was consciously dozing off. It was though a film. Flash after another flash. My legs were aching from all the strolling we did and my arms were screaming in silent for whatever reason.
Minutes passed. I was whispering to her as unanswered question popped from my mouth. I vaguely remembered answers, I was physically switched off. Shutting and raising my eyelid as and when the bus reduced its speed. I kept on imagine that I was about to alight. Minutes gone. We were somewhere. Little India. Macpherson Road. Police station. Until the last few minutes, my neck muscles gave way.
Comfort.
I sezied that spit second of tenderness and familiarity. Constraint by my consciousness, my automatic-self jerked up and was rudely awaken. At first thought, I forgot about ZiYi. Resting was occupying me. Nothing incurred to me of her. 3 counts, I was conscious to realise them. But what happened before and after those 3, I was braindead.
So Ungentleman of me.
I ignored her sweet reminding voice of my soon alightment. I acknowledged and slumbered. I wondered if I ever said anything 'hidden' secrets of mine. *blush blush* I dreadfully dun wan to investigate. If I did, so be it. I trust her.
Anyway, she's my darling... weeeeeeeeee
Able to see her once again was encouraging to some sense I dunno why, or maybe it's something else that I dun wish to step in now, whether to test the water or otherwise. I'm a coward. Knowing where I'm standing and having the preknowledge of the odds, I fear to lose. Losing is not my nature or any Man's nature. Winner is what we always strive for, since the world was created until the ages to come. Anyway... a little secret released for a short meeting wouldn't result in much of a celest havoc on earth.
I dun remember taking my last glance at her.
I dashed out of the bus and stood vertically, maintaining my sleepness. Difting and swaying, I boarded the following hot on the tail bus, bus 15. I slammed directly at the portrayed navy blue 3 butt space bench, just across the enterance, and leaned on the very much familiar cold surface, back to wonderland..
Desperately I jogged home.
One motive. One target. My dwelling haven. I stripped off my top and dived into cottons and coverage. I was sound asleep before I could even start counting my pro-active sheeps. A few times, my joureny in the night was interrupted by my caring and concern parents for my empty stomach, I waved to shoo them away. Gulit-ridden, I was. But to disturb my night siesta, I would either leak out my classified or rebuke the intruder to my tranquilly.
Sheer violence.
My voice to those who, on purpose prevert me from my peace.
Wanting to mug thru the long night seems to be impossible for there's a long day ahead tomorrow morning and will last until evening when my weekends come to another end and a new beginning for the week will commerce with Monday blue as a common syndrome for all.
Synergy is what I need. Both mentally and spiritually for the next whole week, for the honeymoon in SAJC will come to an end. Changes again. But is it for the good or the worst.
